Dry Day

I’m in panic! Why? Because another dry day is coming up this week. It is dry not because it is not raining. I for one would not complain if it does not rain in this chilly weather. In India, Dry Day is a day when all liquor shops are closed on government order. Government advertises the dry days, to the best of their abilities, so as to (a) let the liquor-sellers make more profit by selling liquor in black market at higher rates, prior to a dry day; (b) thereby, asking a connoisseur (or an addict) to spend more to store in advance, thus hoping that economic constraints, one day, will make our great country free from this social evil.

Since, most festivals and public holidays are declared dry to avoid people from drinking themselves crazy, and given that India is a secular nation with more religions than anywhere, and also that we celebrate and do not work on all possible measly or mighty ones, for a drunkard in India, whose social strata is somewhere in middle/upper-middle class, the probability that a given day is a dry day is 0.6. Given that fact, it is trivial to calculate the same probability for a lower class drunkard and an elite class drunkard — 0.95 and 0.05 respectively. That trivial calculation incorporates the fact that some elite bars are licensed to serve liquor even on a dry day. Among others, January 26, August 15 and October 2 are the most pleasing and logical ones.

As all of you –barring the Indian elite who doesn’t have to— know that August 15 is the Independence Day (freedom from slavery) of India. It shows how the socioeconomic factors influence the freedom of the citizens. In simpler terms, if you’re Ambanis, Tatas or Mallayas –if you are, you won’t read this blog, so you are not— you’re the most free. And if you pull a cycle-rickshaw to earn your livelihood –if you do, you won’t have means to read this blog, so you don’t— you are least free.

October 2 is the birthday of the so calledfather of the nation“. Apart from the fact that I find it hard to digest that one person could be the father of the entire nation, as large in population as India, even metaphorically, the thing that frustrates me most is to give up drinking because father‘s mom said so. Apparently, Gandhi’s mom had religious reasons –which by all means are baseless going by the literature of the religion she was a follower of– to ask him not to drink liquor.

But since father‘s birthday has just passed by and the Independence Day is still some time away, let me concentrate on the problem at hand. I mean I see the logic behind the other two days. To reiterate: for one, it is that our rulers want to make us realize our worth in their country, and for two, that my (and their) father’s mom said so. But why January 26? I promise that if I get drunk, I’ll not burn the flag down, or take a piss at the pole of that flag. I promise I’ll fulfill every constitutional duty, however outrageous or illogical it may seem, which our “founding fathers” have forced upon us because their religions did not permit or forced them to do certain things. Just let me drink if I want to! Please…

Else amend the constitution to make every day a dry day.

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